Why we need to slow down
In today’s fast-paced world, many of us often find ourselves rushing our children from one activity to the next—getting dressed quickly in the morning, hurrying through meals, or pushing them to complete tasks faster. While efficiency has its place, constantly rushing our children can have negative effects on their emotional well-being, cognitive development, and even long-term mental health.
Yes, the reality is we will have days that are busy or days where we are running behind schedule and a little late. Research shows that chronic stress caused by constant rushing can increase cortisol levels, impact brain development, and create negative associations with daily activities. In this article, we will explore why slowing down is essential and a few practical ways to create a more relaxed, nurturing environment for our children and ourselves.
The Impact of Rushing on Children’s Development
1. Increased Cortisol and Chronic Stress
When children are constantly rushed, their bodies respond by releasing cortisol, the stress hormone. While short bursts of cortisol can help in emergencies, prolonged exposure to high cortisol levels can have harmful effects. Studies have shown that chronic stress in children is linked to anxiety, depression, and even difficulties in learning and memory (Lupien et al., 2009).
The Harvard Center on the Developing Child (2020) explains that excessive stress disrupts brain architecture, particularly in young children whose brains are still developing. This can lead to long-term emotional regulation difficulties and heightened sensitivity to stress later in life.
2. Negative Associations with Everyday Activities
When children are constantly told to “hurry up,” they may begin to associate daily activities—getting dressed, eating meals, or going to school—with stress and frustration. Over time, this can result in resistance, tantrums, or avoidance behaviours. Research in behavioral psychology suggests that when negative emotions are repeatedly paired with an activity, children are more likely to develop aversions to it (Panksepp, 2004).
For example, a child who is frequently rushed through breakfast may grow to dislike mornings altogether, making the school routine even more stressful. Similarly, a child who is rushed to finish homework may develop a negative attitude toward learning.
3. Reduced Ability to Learn and Focus
A growing body of research highlights the importance of play and unstructured time in childhood learning. When children are given the time to explore and engage deeply in activities, they develop stronger cognitive skills, problem-solving abilities, and creativity (Gray, 2013).
Rushing children from one activity to another limits their ability to engage in deep learning and can result in scattered attention spans. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics (2018), excessive scheduling and lack of free time can contribute to burnout and reduced motivation in children.
4. Impact on Parent-Child Relationships
A rushed environment often leads to more frequent conflicts between parents and children. When parents are stressed and impatient, they may respond more harshly to their child’s needs or emotions. Studies on parent-child attachment suggest that consistent emotional attunement—where parents respond calmly and supportively—builds a stronger foundation for healthy emotional development (Ainsworth, 1979).
When children feel constantly rushed and pressured, they may experience less emotional safety with their parents, leading to increased behavioral issues and emotional withdrawal.
Practical Ways to Slow Down
Given the negative effects of rushing, here are some ways parents can create a more relaxed and supportive environment for their children:
1. Build Extra Time Into Routines
One of the simplest ways to reduce rushing is to start daily routines earlier. Wake up 15–20 minutes earlier in the morning to allow children time to dress at their own pace.
2. Prioritise and Reduce Over-Scheduling
Many children have packed schedules with school, extracurricular activities, and social events. Consider scaling back on commitments to allow for more unstructured, relaxed time at home.
3. Change the way we talk
Instead of saying, “Hurry up! We’re late!” try using phrases like, “We have five more minutes before we need to leave.”
4. Model Calm Behavior
Our children do observe how we interact with others and the world around us from the simple to more complex behaviours and mannerisms. Albert Bandura (1977) emphasised the importance of modelling and imitating the behaviours, attitudes and emotional reactions. We don’t need to be perfect but we can be more mindful.
5. Reframe Expectations
Not everything has to be done quickly and perhaps we can change our expectations of our young children to things that are more realistic and age appropriate. My six year old child may not remember the six tasks I asked her to complete and remember to pack in her bag before school. I will need to break these down for her.
It’s not easy to slow down and the pressures and guilt we carry as parents and caregivers can become overwhelming but these changes are worth it if it means supporting and promoting the wellbeing of our families. In the words of child psychologist David Elkind (2007), “Children are not miniature adults; they need time to develop at their own pace,”
References
• Ainsworth, M. D. S. (1979). “Infant-mother attachment.” American Psychologist, 34(10), 932–937.
• American Academy of Pediatrics. (2018). “The Importance of Play in Promoting Healthy Child Development and Maintaining Strong Parent-Child Bonds.”
• Elkind, D. (2007). The Hurried Child: Growing Up Too Fast Too Soon.
• Gray, P. (2013). Free to Learn: Why Unleashing the Instinct to Play Will Make Our Children Happier, More Self-Reliant, and Better Students for Life.
• Harvard Center on the Developing Child. (2020). “Toxic Stress.”
• Lupien, S. J., McEwen, B. S., Gunnar, M. R., & Heim, C. (2009). “Effects of stress throughout the lifespan on the brain, behavior, and cognition.” Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 10(6), 434–445.
• Panksepp, J. (2004). Affective Neuroscience: The Foundations of Human and Animal Emotions.